Thoughts About Boyfriends and Being In a Relationship

I used to think that I knew everything I wanted in a boyfriend..

I wanted him to be a Christian first and foremost, 
I wanted him to be smart :D (Yes i'm attracted to smart guys)
I wanted him to have a talented ( like writing poems, or can play music, etc)
I wanted him to be kind and understanding
I wanted him to be really funny and can always make me laugh :)
I wanted him to be a gamer like me so we can always game together
I wanted him to be tons of fun
I wanted him to smell good xD
I wanted him to be honest with me all the time

But my mind has changed a bit since then..

Hahaha when you have never had a boyfriend before, you'll probably mention all these things that are more on the surface of the guy. But after dating and going out with a bunch of different guys and having a long term relationship, I realized how little these things actually matter.. I mean most of the stuff up there it is really nice to have in a guy, but there are so much deeper things that I really want right now.. Maybe cause now I'm at that age where I could get married to the person I'm with. 

So right now, I would like to make a list, to remind myself of all the things my future husband or any person I would want to call my boyfriend should have so that I will settle for nothing less than this..

I need him to be a Christian. 
This is self-explanatory.

I need him to be honest. 
BUT, he has the right to lie to me, IF he has a good reason or it's something that i'm better off not knowing (and no, cheating on me does not count as something i'm better off not knowing).  

I need him to be understanding.
I am a gamer girl, which means I like to spend time gaming and I will have a lot of guy friends. And if you can't stand me hanging out with them or you are unable to trust me with them, then i'm sorry, but you gotz to go. 

I need him to be mature
hahahah I used to not like mature guys but I thought they were boring and un-fun xD hehe and usually they are.. less fun? in a way.. But I guess that's because they know the consequences of their actions which prevents them from doing some "fun" activities. I have learned the hard way that doing something that is fun but wrong, always leaves me with a bad feeling in the end, which I really do not like. 

I need him to be my best friend 
Someone I can talk to, someone who can listen to me. Someone I feel comfortable with. Basically just a person who if not your boyfriend, would be your best friend. 

I need him to be a fixer and not a replacer. 
Okay, sounds a bit stupid but I couldn't find a better way to phrase it xD it means I don't want a guy to see something broken and replace it instead of trying to fix it. hahaha. anyway it means that I want a person who would wanna fix a relationship, make an effort to fix the relationship, and not just go "oh it's not working out, kthxbai". I really don't believe in divorces, I believe marriage is forever. I need someone who will stay with me forever and ever ("for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part") and make an effort to do so.. And I will promise to do the same. 

I want him to be independent
Obviously the guy need to be able to take care of himself before he can take care of you right? xD 

I need to be able to communicate with him
Yes. both efficiently and effectively. I really do not want a repeat of my family, so much issues from miscommunications. It's so much irritation and stress from issues that are not really even issues in the first place. 

I need him to be a naturally calm person
Because I am not a calm person xD I am a bit of a drama queen.. so yeah, i need a person to be my rock, my solid foundation so that when I shake, I have something or someone to hold on to.. xD I can't rely on a person who will go cray cray when I go cray cray :P Not that I am.. crazy i mean. Or am i....?

I need him to be someone who brings out the best and not the worst in me
Well, this is obvious. I think most people want this.

I need a person who wants the best for me
Before his own wants, before my wants, he needs to KNOW(not think) when is the right time and right decision to make sure that he's doing the right thing for both of us..

I want him to love me more than I love him
Wow, yeah this is a tough one for most guys maybe? I don't know hahahah.. I shall ask a guy friend next time xD But yeah, it's something my ex, Tim told me, which I believe it's very important for some reason. I can't seem to recall why right now....

The rest I mentioned up there, are pluses, but they are not needed. I don't need a guy who likes to game, he just has to understand my gaming habits xD. I don't need a guy who is smart and talented, just don't be a lazy ass who can't or doesn't bother to do anything. I don't really him be fun or funny, i just need you to click with me so we can talk and hang out and not feel awkward. Smell good is definitely a turn on, but no he doesn't have to, just bathe relatively often and smell decent :P 

That's about all I can think of right now I guess.. I think I would probably read it back and edit it again the next time I see this. xD Hopefully not.

Alone

Sometimes, I just feel so left out..
       I feel so alone..
            I hate feeling this way..
                 Fuck it la, it's not like anyone cares anyway

I just wanna scream, and shout.. And let it all out..

Okay.. I think I shouldn't post this on twitter since I got so many friends on there and this is probably gonna be read by less people or nobody unless i publicize it.. And I really need to get it out.. I'll delete this post when I'm okay or something later..

I don't know why but every time things don't go my way.. I just suddenly think of all the bad things.. These past 6 months or so have been the miserable time for me.. Everything just like became haywire after Tim left me.. I think I might've gotten a little crazy also..

After Tim left, I started dating a friend of mine in the uni.. Well, that didn't turn out so great cuz I guess I was mostly using him as a rebound but not really also.. I also not sure la.. It's damn confusing.. Everything is so screwed up man.. I can't think straight anymore.. I'm like on a constant roller coaster of emotions all the time.. One minute I'm as happy a bird, One minute i'm emo-ing and being a bitch.. Man I dunno what the fuck is wrong with me man.. I'm so tired of feeling like this all the time.. But I don't know how to fix it..

In the period of 6 months, I lost both my boyfriend and my beet friend in uni. What an accomplishment eh? If there was a trophy for biggest bitch ever I think I would've won it.. hands down for sure..

And until now.. I still blame Timothy for everything that happened to me.. Cuz after he broke up with me.. It's like my balance is gone.. And i'm tipping left and right.. Fuck him la.. I really hate him for doing this to me..

He fucking left me to UK
*fuck there's tears on my keyboard also.. thanks alot Tim.
He fucking stopped trying
He became too fucking busy for me
He fucking lied to me
This is all his fault.. I hate you timmy.. I hate you for doing this to me..

I fucking hate that I still think we can still be together when you get back
I fucking hate that I still think we can do long distance
I fucking hate that I still keep everything you gave me around me cuz I still think everything is gonna work out fine
I am so tired right.. So tired of feeling this way.. I blame him for everything but he doesn't even know it.. He just lives on his happy little life.. Travelling and shits in the UK while leaving me here to rot.. I hate you Timothy Leong.. I really do.. I hate everyone for leaving me here to rot.. I hate everyone... I hate people..

People are so untrustable.. Cannot rely on.. But I am also sick.. Sick of doing everything myself.. I hate being alone. But I don't want anyone to be with me.. I hate everyone.. I just do everything myself easier la.. Don need to expect from people.. Just live a hermit life.. Fuck people la.. So useless.. I also useless.. my head hurts now..=.= sian.

Happy :D

Despite what happened, there are a lot of good things happening :D Hehe, something (or someone) is really making me happy a lot recently. We're definitely not   having the most simplest of relationships(but who wants a boring old relationship without conflict eh? xD) but yeah, I know it'll work out like it always does. >.<

Anyway~ I'm gonna see Wreck-It Ralph tomorrow!!! YAY!!! XD hehe.
*small kid emerges for a while*

Sometimes it feels like i'm rebounding, or maybe i'm moving on too fast, i mean getting over a 3 year relationship in like a few weeks?! That's kinda fast.. I mean it took me forever to get over *ahem ahem* but i think that was mainly cause I couldn't accept the fact and was in the denial phase for a long long long long time. xD But somehow the relationship with Tim, he pretty much made no room for doubt for me, that the relationship was over.

I still feel kinda sad when I think about it, but I know it's over. I thank him for making that clear cause I don't think I can handle anymore unknowns. I don't handle unknowns very well.. (Yeah, Algebra wasn't a walk in the park either..>.>)

I guess the distance away from him made it easier to get over. Only get flashbacks occasionally when I go to places we used to go but they're not very strong I guess.. I guess I still miss him a little but right now I'm really not ready to be friends.

"Does the relationship start or end when the person stops seeing the other through rose colored glasses?"

For real relationships, relationships that last I guess it's the former. 

WHAT LA. SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY POST BECOME EMO POST DI RAWR! XD

hehe yeah anyway I'm going out with someone now. He's known as the prothean in university for being a bit inhuman at times xD (:D I'm going out with an alien! Isn't that totally cool?!) He's a bit geeky and weird and heartless at times but that's only on the outside :) hehe. Anyway yeah that's all I'm gonna reveal right now..xP Maybe i'll put in on facebook soon if everything works out :)

PEACE OUT! 

Breaking Up

Well. I can tell you that it isn't one of the most fun thing to do.. (Unless you're some sick psychopath who likes to break people's hearts and put them into jars xD hahhahahaha)

Yeah. As you guys know, Tim just recently broke up with me. (*cue Bob's forever alone song*) Haiz.. It is sad. of course, I mean it was a really long term relationship.. 3 years.. 3 years + and it just ends, just like that.. Like it was nothing.. And now it's just a memory, of the good times, bad times, ups and downs..

Kay. First off I'm sure you would like to know..

Who broke up with who? 

Well, he.. kinda broke up with me.. Yeah. :( (Anything i say now is just a matter of opinion so do not take it as facts as he might be trying to do something else and I just took it wrongly.) Okay, so this is what i got from my point of view.. Not trying to make him sound like the bad guy but yeah.. Here it is..

In my opinion, he broke up with me.. Because, sad to say, he gave up. He gave up trying to fix something that kept breaking even after he keeps trying to fix it. And he was tired, he didn't want this life anymore and thought that both of us can do better.  Which i guess in a way he is right since this Long Distance Relationship was killing us more than it helped us. It wasn't just the distance, the time difference killed it too. We were 8 hours apart from each other.. By the time I'm about to sleep, he only just came on.

"You say good morning,  when it's midnight.. "

-Jet Lag, Simple Plan

Did I love him? 

Well that's a pretty dumb question xD hehe.. Yes of course I did. In a way, I still do I guess.. But I guess it's only just as a friend now.. I hate for what he did to me. I hate him for breaking up with me but somehow, deep down inside.. I knew that he was right.. And it was just a matter of sooner or later..

How did he do it?

Well, sadly he broke up with me on fb chat.. And when he did it I was so stunned cause he had no indication whatsoever then suddenly, bam! he just did it.. At first I thought it was just temporary and that things would go back to normal like it always would but.. he was unwavering about it.. He refused to change his mind.. And it just.. became permanent..

When was the exact date we broke up?
29th Oct 2012. One of the worst days of my life. Actually more like 30th was the worst day since he broke up with me at night.. And I was still in denial until like in the afternoon when i continued to talk with him more about it.That was when yeah.. Red puffy eyes, Red Rudolph Nose, lots of sleeping...>.>

Who did I tell first?
Well, i guess the people who followed me on twitter found out about it first.But I didn't officially announce it til 14/11/2012 which was the last day of my exam. And I told my best friend Aileen the day before 14..>.<

Sup 2012 :P

Wow. I never thought i would open this old thing again and start blogging again ;)

Twitter is nice but it limits my character count to only 140..T.T Which is too little for me to say everything I want to say :D And somehow using more than 1 tweet for the same subject just isn't "fitting".

Anyway, hello y'all to whoever is still reading this little blog of mine :D (Which might be just sad little old me D:)

Well, it been 2 years since i last updated :O and yeah.. ALOT of stuff has been happening in this 2 years.. In 2010, I went to college. Yeah, went to do SAM at Taylor's Subang :) That was a year with lots of ups and downs.. :/ Downs like spending less time with Timmy, going to a new college with no friends whatsoever, putting on weight!!(arghhh!! T.T maybe too much outside food T.T), falling out with a good friend of mine whose name shall not be mentioned xD. Ups like meeting awesome friends like blackie Jairam and retarded Bryan and bullshitter Storyteller Chze Wei, hardworking geeky Kelvin etc :D (Damn. Why are they all guys xD) In college i learnt a lot..

I learnt that:
*Making friends is not longer like in high school or primary school. Everyone mixes with everyone and you can't really count on anyone to be like your loyal best friend anymore.
*Sitting behind with a bunch of noisy people really stops you from focusing in class (But at least you have tons of fun :D)
*People who like twilight are not necessarily female :D (Yes chow chow, i'm talking about you xD)
*Studying hard is not as effective as studying smart
*Drinking a bubble tea instead of eating lunch does not make you thinner. (Sadly T.T)
*People are more proactive in college :) (couples here, couples there.. couples couples everywhere)
*Not everyone who is friendly likes you :P
*A graphic calculator is so AWESOMEEE XD
*Physics is really hard in college.. :/
*Sleeping in classes is really not that hard :P
*Sometimes the only person you can really count on is yourself....

i love happy couples.. =)
they just make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. =D
yea i'm random..